Bad Moon Rising

Well, I should have known. Since I posted my jovial "This is ME!!" idiocy a couple of days ago, every thing that could go wrong has gone wrong. Keep positive? Fvck off. (And I mean that in the nicest way, of course).

Male kitten's pneumonia hasn't improved after his week of treatment with an antibiotic. He's been given another antibiotic and he's having an x-ray tomorrow. He's allergic to penicillin. No school or daycare all week. He missed his school pictures and the Halloween parties. Poor kitten. :(

My boss continues to be a fvcking imbecile, but that's not out of the ordinary.

My thumb isn't healing. Probably because I'm banging it against a keyboard 20 hours a day. It hurts like hell. It keeps opening up and bleeding.

I stepped on a "man" from the game "Sorry." It was sitting on the living room floor and I just came down on it hard. Didn't even see it. I screamed, so of course female kitten had to get out of bed for the fifteenth time. Then I spilled my rye and coke.

My headache and neckache and shoulder ache live on.

But then one of my brilliant OT friends suggested that there is actually a REASON for all this whining and complaining and bitching. The moon! Full moon + eclipse = two full moons = double the bad mood and disconnected feeling. My OT friends are brilliant indeed!

Of course, I didn't research any of this, because it was such a neat explanation and I didn't want to risk ruining it. It may be true, but if it's not, I don't want to know about it.

This week has been hell. No more lunar eclipses until 2007? Excellent! Good riddance.

Frisky, this is your life!

Well, I spent my entire workday working on my resume. I don't feel the least bit guilty. It was an incredible experience. Even if you are not job-hunting, I implore you to refresh your resume!

My resume has worked wonders for me over the past twenty years. I've gotten an interview for every job I've ever applied for. However, now that I've been responsible for hiring in my current job, I've noticed this new breed of resume. So I went to Monster.ca to see if I should consider revamping what has always been a good, reliable resume format.

Wow! Did I ever revamp! :)

Working on your resume is a journey into your past. It forces you to reflect upon your accomplishments and it gets you thinking about where you want to be. That's why it is such a valuable exercise. It boosts the self-esteem tremendously! I am Frisky, and I am a successful professional administrator! :D

I realize now that I've been working as management for the past five years and getting paid at a middle-management level. My colleagues in other divisions of my organization make a lot more money than I do. This is because my manager gives me all her fvcking work while she goes to the beauty parlour. Well, guess what? I'm not going to take it anymore!

My shoulders hurt. My back and neck muscles are constantly tense. I have a perma-headache. I feel sick to my stomach when I'm getting ready for work in the morning.

It's just a job, for crying out loud.

Tonight, though, I know that I have value and I have lots to offer. I'm ready. Bring on those job postings!! :)

Burnout

I've been feeling lonely all day.

I sold my computer desk, so now there's a big empty spot in the corner of my living room.

I went back to work today after a one-week holiday. The headache returned. The pain in my shoulders and the back of my neck came back. I realize now that 100% of the stress in my life is caused by my workplace. Well, maybe 95% workplace, 5% finances.

My male kitten has pneumonia.

So, yeah, I'm kind of depressed. Feeling a little down. And I'm cold. My feet are really cold, like right down to the bone. :(

I'm so overwhelmed by all the problems at my workplace. Note that I'm talking about my workplace -- not my job. My job is okay, if not a little boring. I'm definitely ready for new challenges, but that will have to wait until something at a higher level is posted. I should definitely work on my resume.

My workplace is in shambles. It's a house of cards just waiting for a breath of wind. The manager is a complete idiot. She's alienated everyone and they're all crying on my shoulder. So I have my own stress, and I'm trying to manage everyone else's stress. Oh, please, let there be a job posted this week!

I figure I shouldn't feel lonely because I'm so surrounded by people. My family, my co-workers, my friends....why do I feel lonely this first week back on the job? Maybe it's not loneliness as much as a sense of loss. Or vacancy. Something's missing...I don't know what. It's definitely time for me to move on. I just feel....drained.

I just remembered...

I promised to write about my epiphany. I know you've been hitting the "refresh" button over and over for the past couple of hours. My sincerest apologies.

I got thinking this morning (actually, it was early afternoon, but morning to me) about laziness. I'm a lazy person. Don't get me wrong, I get things done. I cook, I clean, and I'm very productive at work. But I have to really put forth an effort in order to accomplish things. I have to REALLY talk myself into doing stuff. So, yeah, walking from the couch to the fridge is a major undertaking for me, but the ends justify the means, right?

I love to sleep in. I know I'm going to hear those ladies at work tomorrow boasting about "sleeping in" until 10:00. 10:00?? Ha! I'm a nooner, through and through. Hell, today I hit the 1:00 p.m. mark! The kittens were at grandma's overnight, I was up until 4:00 a.m., and I was tired. So there. If I slept that long, it's because I needed it.

Now here's where my epiphany comes in. Mr. Frisky woke me up at 1:00 to go get the kittens at grandma's. He didn't care. He woke up about 11:00, showered, watched TV, drank coffee, then woke me up when it was time to go. So what if I was sleeping all day. No skin off his nose.

So as I was buffing BM's on my face, I got thinking about how lucky I am to have this DH who doesn't care about my laziness. He takes my excuse -- "I'm so anemic" -- at face value, and doesn't ask questions. Why? Because he's lazy, too! We enable each other's laziness. We're...what's that called?...co-dependent? But co-dependent with our laziness.

That's when it hit me, as I poked a puff of glee into my cheeks, that my first marriage didn't work out because of a laziness imbalance. I was lazy, ex-DH was not. He'd get up with the roosters and it was work work work all freakin' day! Then he'd get together every Sunday with his family and they'd all talk about how hard they worked all week. They'd try to out-do each other. Nobody worked as hard as them. Then they'd turn to me and scoff at me and roll their eyes in disgust.

One morning he woke me up (and it was morning) and said "Wake up, you lazy slvt" and that's when I said forget it. This is not the life for me.

So my advice to the lovelorn is that you must have lazy-compatibility with your mate. I mean it...it's a must. Lazies and non-lazies do not mix.

P.S. I make the bed before I get in it at night. Hmm....sounds like a good OT thread.

It's the same 20 minutes, isn't it???!

One thing I've learned over the past 24 hours is that I have to write in the morning. I had an epiphany this morning -- well, more towards this afternoon -- and I thought YES, this is definitely blog-worthy.

But life stepped in. I had to go pick up the kittens at grandma's house. Then we had to go visit DH's parents. Then groceries, then home, then back out for some gardening crap, then back home. Then I cooked supper, ate, cleaned up and cut my right thumb all to hell on the food processor blade.

Now, it's 10:00 p.m. and male kitten is asleep. Girl kitten has been downstairs about four times since I told her to go to bed, and at this moment she's coming downstairs to interrupt my thoughts once again.

So, where was I? Oh, yeah. Life. I have a headache banging on in the back of my neck and the back of my head, and I'm banging my injured thumb on this friggin keyboard while the modem is dialing and hanging up. It's busy, so everytime it hangs up I LOSE Notepad. Now my cat is wiping his wet nose on my arm. Yes, mornings are definitely better for me.

Which just totally conflicts with my epiphany.

How do I love thee?

"Let me count the ways." "I shall love thee more after death." It's my favourite poem, and I only know part of two lines -- the beginning and the end. Maybe it's because that's all that is important -- the beginning and the end. How we get away from something and how we get to something is not really important, is it? The rambling lines in between the beginning and the end is just Elizabeth going on and on and on and these lines aren't really important, are they? The point is, Robert, I love you, and I will love you always. That's all she's saying!

So why can't I say something, I love you, and become a legend, like Elizabeth? Why can't I put words together --- fill in the blanks between the beginning and the end --- and make so much money I'll never have to work again? Why can't I find that voice that I had in high school, that voice that my teachers heard, telling them that I was going to be a literary star? Where is it? I can't even find the beginning of that voice, let alone the end and then have the ability and the imagination required to stuff a bunch of words in the middle.

See, I'm writing as I'm thinking. And I'm thinking...of nothing. Except finding a beginning which will lead me to an end --- preferably an end in which I am rolling in money.

I think my problem is that I haven't really written since high school, since I wrote those brilliant papers that earned me some praise. A few times, I've been mad enough at my spouse to pound out about three pages worth of swear words, but nothing more.

So, this weblog, this public record of my thoughts, will be my sketchpad. Hopefully, here, I'll find my beginning.