How did I get this fat?
Every now and then, this happens to me, so it probably happens to you every now and then, too.
You go to someone's house, and you're standing there, in their kitchen or whatever, talking to the person, and suddenly, you see something move in the corner of your eye.
You look, and OMG, you double over laughing. It's a cat, and it's HUGE! You point and laugh, and say stuff like "what do you feed that thing?" etc, and the cat stops and looks at you as if to say "oh, just go fuck yourself, human."
Today, the outgoing inept, bumbling manager got the pictures back from her retirement party. There was this group shot of all of us, and I was there, front and just off-center.
I? Am that cat. :(
I had no idea. OMG, I was about ten times bigger than everyone else. I was huge. Mind you, I knew I'd gained, and when I look down at the keyboard, I can feel some extra flesh in the chin area, but I had no idea that it was THAT bad!
I was horrified. Suddenly, stuff started to make sense.
Like when the outgoing manager was telling me that some people had seen me at a meeting and didn't realize it was me. She told me that they didn't think it was the same person, and she said that my hair is dark now, whereas before it was lighter and had a lot of blonde hightlights. And I was...yeah, the hair was lighter.
Now I know why she paused. :(
And when I came home and I said to DH that I should start exercising and I need to lose weight, he didn't say "You're perfect the way you are" like he has said so many times over the past eleven years. He just didn't really say anything.
So, that's it, folks. I'm fat. I'm the fat cat that walks across your friends kitchen to shrieks of laughter.
What the fuck are you looking at, humans? Never seen a fat cat before? Huh? HUH?
So now what am I going to do? Lose weight? OMG that just sucks so bad. I HATE diets. I LOATHE exercise.
How did this happen? All the fast food joints? The wine? The beer? Eating out because it's quicker and easier? Too much TV? Not enough exercise? Winter? Spring? WHY can't it go away as fast as it arrives?
And you know what really sucks? They're going to blow up the friggin picture and hang it at work. So, for years to come, there I will be, staring out from the wall, with a look on my face that says "what the fuck are you looking at, human?"
(Actually, the look on my face is one of complete naivete. I had no idea I was looking so well-fed.)