Thursday, December 23, 2004

10 years off

I just took 10 years off my face.

It didn't cost a thing. I didn't have to have any incisions and I didn't have any of those stupid trendy laser airbrush treatments.

My secret? I got a new job. :)

Yep, that's all it took. Well, that, and kitten is pretty much cured of his cough thanks to the drugs.

So now, I'm wandering around work gloating. I don't mean to gloat, it's just that I have this silly grin plastered on my face. I know that I only have 3 more weeks in that hellhole, and then I'm on to better things.

All the Christmas parties are going on, and people are telling me how great I look. I'm glowing. My whole face has changed. Is it my hair? Because I straightened it? Is it new makeup? What is it?

"I got a new job." :)

Even when I look in the mirror, I can see the difference. I've noticed those downward sloping lines around my nose and mouth the past year or so, weighing my face down, making my eyes droop downward, the corners of my mouth sagging, and the dark circles that just kept rejecting the concealer.

Now, I am a fvcking goddess! :)

Funny how the staff, my co-workers, know what has happened to me. They understand. We have been comrades-in-arms over the years, even the ones I don't really like. They see the change, and they know exactly why it's happened. And for one fleeting moment, they wish they could do it, too. They wish that their confidence and self-esteem hadn't been battered down and stepped on and ground into the floor so many times that they can't believe in themselves long enough to respond to a job posting. They see my glow, and they want to do more than just bask in it. They want to jump in.

As for the bosses, upper management, the fat cats...well, they think it's all about money. "Sure, I understand, there comes a time when you have to move on up the ladder and better financial opportunities present themselves and you can't turn your back on that." Okay, you stupid fvck. You just keep on believing that while the manager you totally believe in continues to batter her staff and spend money inappropriately and lie about overtime and do absolutely nothing but walk around with her coffee cup and gossip about the horrible clothes that certain people are wearing. You just keep on believing that. It's all about the money.

Can my glorious new look be attributed to an extra hundred bucks a month? I'm not sure money can do that. Oh, I've seen Extreme Makeover, but can money do that without surgery or laser treatments? Can someone's face go from downcast and dark and sad to bright and sparkly and glowy because of extra money? Perhaps, but that's not what has done it for me.

For me, it comes back to one of my favourite words -- freedom. My face has been set free. My soul, my brain, my heart have all been set free. Now, I can go somewhere where people are interested in seeing what I can do for them. They aren't interested in playing with my mind or insulting my hair or gossiping with me about my friends. They want me to show them my skills. My ideas.

I do look 10 years younger. My 10-year sentence has ended, and I am now free. 10 years worth of lines and shadows and sullenness. Gone. I glow. I shine. It's amazing. :)

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Creative Financing

Well, I did it again this year. I am in awe of my creative financing abilities. :)

I accessed an extra several hundred dollars from a finance company. Yep, ridiculous interest rates, stoopid insurance plans worked into the total borrowed (read the fine print!) -- and for what? So that I know that we will have a decent Christmas and still have groceries and still have a birthday for my youngest. It's worth it, really.

Debt has never really bothered me. I don't understand why the bank guy gets so upset when he looks at all my debt. I sit there like there's nothing wrong, and he's scrolling down the screen of credit cards and finance companies and banks, and I'm like so what, dude? I can pay the monthly payments. I have what is called manageable debt. :)

Doesn't everyone have debt? So what if so-and-so has a brand new car? They're in debt! I borrow money, yes, but I pay it back, too. In full. And then every few years, I clean house and consolidate. Big whoop.

So the lady across the desk from me today is trying to talk me into wiping out my credit cards and stuff. Why? All I want is a few hundred bucks this month. It'll be paid off in a half a year. Yes, I know I didn't plan very well for Christmas. No, I don't want to start a savings plan for next Christmas. It's how I work. I have a decent roof over my head, I have a damn nice lawn and garden, not a bad little car, we eat well. I have life insurance that will cover my debts plus leave a nice little nest egg for my kittens if anything should happen to me.

Every month, I get paid, I pay my various debts, and live on the remainder along with DH's pay for the month.

I wonder what it would be like to pay off all my debts. To have no bills, except for utilities, groceries, etc. Wouldn't that be like having no purpose? Who would make the bank guy pull his hair out? People like him wouldn't have jobs if it weren't for people like me! Hmm...that's good. I'm going to use that line next time I call him to consolidate. :)