Thursday, November 11, 2004

Hitting the Wall

Today I hit the wall at work. I've been trying to save my workplace. I care about it, I care about my co-workers and I care about my job. My boss is incompetent and is sinking the whole ship. Today, I made one last-ditch effort to change the course, but I failed.

I emailed my best friend and told her what happened, then signed onto to learn about cover letters. My friend phoned and said the words that have been going through my mind all day -- "Time to move on."

Yes, the time has come. In the past few weeks, I've been thinking that I have to leave, but I've carried some guilt around. What kind of responsible person am I if I know where the problem lies, but I don't help my organization by trying to fix the problem? How would I feel if I moved on to another job without saying anything? Would I be asking myself what if?

So, today, after my boss pinned yet another of her major screw-ups on me, I tested the waters to see if there was any way to save the place. There isn't. It's doomed. That makes me very sad, but in a way, I'm relieved, because now I know I can totally separate myself from it. I can leave and never look back and not feel guilty because I didn't try.

Isn't that what "hitting the wall" is like with a good workout? You get to that excruciatingly difficult point where you are in pain and you don't think you can go on, and then all of a sudden you get the exhilaration and the clarity and the rush of adrenalin that pushes you forward.

Today was a terrible day at work, but it's all downhill from here. I'm ready to go. :)


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