You're So Vain

I always get nervous when things are going well. Got the new job, got a sewing machine from Santa and I've found out I am an awesome seamstress, kittens are doing well...

It seems whenever I acknowledge that things are going well, they all fall apart.

So, I've decided to sabatoge myself.

I'm going on a diet. What else can wreak havoc on the life of a lover of comfort food? I'm an overeater. I ate so much lasagne last night that I felt sick afterwards. That is just bad. And tonight, I'm not at all hungry, but the leftover lasagne is calling to me from the fridge.

I hurt my back last fall and my doc told me to take it as a warning. Get in shape. Get those abdominal muscles working. Six-pack? Hah! I'd be lucky to pare it down to a 2 litre (that's Canadian for...something). It's gonna be rough, folks. But I'm going to try.

Now that takes me back to my convocation from university a year and a half ago. Our principal said that for us, the grads, "there is no try. Do." or somethingorother. He stole it from Star Wars, I believe.

That's how I got my degree. I planned the whole four years before I even signed up for my first course. Yep, four years. I worked full-time, was a mother, got pregnant and had another litter, had several catastrophes along the way, but after four years, I did it. 15 full university credits. A degree.

So doc says, why can't you approach your health the way you tackled your degree?

I can't answer that. I can't think of any reason why I couldn't do that. Except that I love food. And I hate exercise. And I love sleep, and laying around, and reading, and doing nothing.

There is one motivator that I can think of: vanity.

I am vain. I am very worried about what people think when they look at me. I know it's what's inside that counts, but I have gone through life trying to see myself the way others see me. I do full hair and makeup before going to work. I want to look HOT, baby. I want men to look at me. Women, too.

Now? I don't look so hot. For someone who is vain, that is not good.

So, I'll do what doc says. I'll tackle my health the way I nailed my degree to the wall. I'll join WW online, because WW is something that I can plan and count and do stats and obsess over. I'll do it. I have to. I already proved to the world and to myself that there is no try.